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 Sunday, December 07, 2008

     
Relationships from a male point of view - Random thoughts
Current mood:  crunk
Category: Life

Just got back in the house….. a little tired….. had a good discussion with my friends about life and relationships… I’m not really in the mood to get deep, so im just gonna sum it up.

1. If you date a bum, dump a bum, and you date another bum… You may want to look at the "type" of people your attracted to, not the individual. Types of men are just what they are "TYPES" a playa will be a playa, a ho will be a ho, a leech will be a leech… they are not as different as you think, you just have to learn how to tell the bad apples from the bunch. For you thug lovers out there…. don’t get mad when your partner beats you upside the head with a broom stick, what do you expect, for him to do… read you poetry!

2. If your partner feels the need to disrespect you on a regular basis, he or she has control issues. Please keep a blunt object on hand just in case it gets serious. In the end, its either your ass or their ass… and to be honest, I will choose "their"  just about 100% of the time.

3. If someone constantly accuses you of cheating, more than likely that person is cheating. Do NOT let love cloud your judgment!!! double dipping is a reality!!!!

4. If you cant talk to your partner then you have no relationship… Its a give and take… you have to let them know its okay to open up, especially for men…. You cross a man’s emotions and its hiding and lies for the duration of the relationship.

5. If your partner likes drama, don’t allow that person to pull you into their madness….. Be man or woman enough to tell that person "YOUR" wrong! I know im wrong about a bunch of sh!t so let me quit while im ahead…LOL

6. If you date a person just for their looks, then get ready for the nightmare. Looks will never compensate for responsibly, intelligence, moral fiber and the other "thing" women care about (even though some say it don’t matter)lol.. If you say so…

7. If your partner cant pay the bank back on time,  then why in the world would you expect to be paid on time, I know some of you out there has heard every excuse in the book… News flash!! If your man (or woman) can’t keep a simple cell phone on without putting it in your name or you see them with the freshest cloths on every pay day while they still owe you money….. its a personal problem not a "I’m in a bad situation" problem…… Loan at your own risk…

~Thinking, as I sit outside on a park bench~ 

hummm….growing in life,  is like the growth of a tree…

A tree needs sunshine and water in order to survive (loosely put)

If a tree receives too much… It dies…

If a tree receives too little… It dies…

In order to survive, a tree must receive a balance of both… but sometimes the balance is broken, and it is force to weather whatever fate has planned for it…. but if that tree survives, it grows taller and stronger. The more mature that tree gets, the stronger it becomes and that once little sapling has the potential to become a mighty oak.

I feel, the more we overcome those obstacles we face in life, the taller and stronger we become. There is one advantage that we have over trees, its that trees do not have the free will to change and control the factors their lives, but we do.  The older we get, the more choices we have. Now im not blind mind you, I know there are some things that are beyond our control, and even though we cannot control our destinations, there is always some point in our live where we can control which road we choose in this life.

Just a thought… ~my words~

Welcome to another day in my life.  If most of you don’t know I have a younger brother. He is 25 years old and right now he is having problems adjusting to being a father and a responsible young man. Unfortunately, the mother is definitely not in the "Ideal" state of mind and was not ready to accept the responsibility of being a mother. So my brother has to step up quick, grow up quick and deal with the responsibility that has been placed before him. The good part that my brother not alone with this issue, even though he has some growing up to do, we are family and we do what we can, when we can, to take care of our own, without question…without compromise…  If we all share the suffering together, it is not as difficult as one suffering alone. ~My Life~

Today, Mothers day…..

12:14 A.M. and im sitting here listening to Life Jennings, My mind wandering in the darkness thinking about my life, what my mom has done for me. Seriously, people say that mothers shouldn’t be praised for doing something that they are required to do by parental right. Well, its easy to say that until you see bad mothers, and some out there can be a trip. So im blessed that mine was definitely better than most and the best to me.

I really don’t know how to say it, so im just gonna.  Mom, thank you….

I remember you working hard, young, doing anything you can to keep everything together. I remember you coming home with that burger king outfit, tired. I was only four then and it was just you and me. Then along came Breon, I remember the day you brought him home. I spilled Red Kool-aid on the floor and you whipped me for it. I swear I didn’t know that lid was turned the wrog way lol!

I also would like to thank you for not being one of those mothers that would be at war with their baby fathers, you did your best to keep me from being exposed to adult problems. You never said a crossed word about my father, even when I would hurt you saying that I like him better, you said I would learn, and I did learn that the better parent is not the one who comes around once a week and take their child out for pizza and ice cream. Its the parent who is there all the time, When you laugh, when you cry, the one who would clean your wounds, and sing you a song when your feeling down, the one who would whip you when your bad, the one who helps with those science projects, the one who looks after me all the time, not just when they feel like it.

Thank you for doing your best, even when there was no work you found work, hopping from town to town, nothing was beneath you. I remember us moving to the country, you got a job picking tobacco and cotton,  I would watch you from my uncles front porch, I could see you in the distance. The hot summer air made your body look like a wavy silhouette.  I would watch you work for hours; I would play a game in my mind guessing which one was my mom.  Even though I was a child, I could see that you sacrificed a lot for me and my brother. Doing what had to be done, what needed to be done, no matter the consequence.

I remember you taking me see my father, driving for hours in a car that would barely run with a rusted out bottom. We could see the road through the hole in the bottom of the car. Me and breon would ball up paper and push it through the hole..lol…we were so bad….*no comment* Oh and thanks for all the ass whippins

Thank you for loving me, like you said, it was just us three and we had to make it work. You taught me how to be a man, how to cook, clean, so I could take care of my brother. when he was sick no one there to watch us. I was prepared to feed my brother, bathe my brother and give him medicine and you taught me all that when I was in the third grade. I thank god that we are still a team to this day.

Last but not least, I would like to thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Those years were rough on you; I made your life very difficult. You saved me from the sins of my father and you told me I could do anything and nothing was beyond my reach if I would just try.  When I would sit frustrated about having it hard you would tell me “Baby, Who said life was fair?” You taught me that I will be fighting for the rest of my life so I can either cower down, or be and man and stand up! With a little hard work, a straight “F” delinquent became a Straight “A” Achiever. I wasn’t even mad the school told me they didn’t even care to order my diploma because they thought I wasn’t going to graduate. We showed them!…lol

Your are amazing! God bless you forever

Love your son.

During my time in the military I came across this gentleman named Zack. Zack was a short dude, white, light brown hair - had a hell of a temper and a outlandish storyteller. Zack would often tell me and other soldiers how he was an Olympic swimmer. We all felt he was lying, but we enjoyed his stories…come to think about it… He never had a chance to prove it.

 Well moving on.. let me tell you about his personality. He was a bull-headed young man, confident. If he believed the sky was green, dammit! There was no way of changing his mind, the sky is green. Sometimes, that bullhead of his would get him in trouble on the flight line because he would make decisions without properly researching his data, often making simple mistakes.

(job requirement - long story - wont bore you with the details)

Sad to say, in our squad, if you did not mingle in the right circles, your simple mistakes would seem like political time bombs waiting to explode in your face. As for Zack, he was way from the in crowd of gossiping, chain smoking, back stabbing, status-whores we called co-workers. As a result, he was cast away to the political dessert of nothing-ness and was treated like he as a leper, I really felt for him.

When I first started working his shift, I didn’t really know Zack that well, just small talk here and there, but lord knows I’ve heard about him, EVERYBODY HAS! I would get most of my information listening to the day-shift gossip whores and political pimps talking as they chain-smoked by the hanger. 

I worked with Zack during the conflict in Kosovo and I slowly got to know him, and little by little I learned that he was more than a little hard-head loud mouth crew-chief. He was a hard worker, he was determined and even when people pushed him down, he would dust himself off and keep on working. He didn’t quit - he didn’t back down, and even though I know he was told some hurtful things, he never let it get the best of him.

I would often see Zack running around with toolboxes and parts, catching planes, and working on critical missions. His co-workers would sit on the bench, smoke and talk about how lazy he was even when he was doing all of the work! They would be amazed when supervisor and I would buy Zack lunch  and tell command how much of a good job he was doing. I remember on day they pulled a prank on Zack, even though I saw tears in his eyes, he still stood tall like an oak, That little dude had character, and more heart than most people ever knew.

 When we returned to the states Zack discovered that he had cancer. About a year later he passed. I’m sad to see that Zack was not able to live a full, fruitful life. I am happy to see him live long enough to return home to his family on his last days.

The more I think about Zack, the more I know it was an honor to have known him. If he would have lived, he would have become a fine soldier and man.

"I will not stand behind a man who thinks he knows everything, I will stand behind a man who is willing to learn from everything."

~This is the first post ive never had the nerve to put up~ 

"A good day aint got no end, A bad day is when I lay in bed and think about what might have been."

Right now its 7am and I have not gotten any sleep. My body is weak, my eyes are burning and my chest feels like its about to implode. Im sitting in the main lobby of Dekalb Memorial Hospital trying my best to keep my eyes focused until I finish this post. This is my first real post so I don’t want to screw it up (much).  Enough of the jabber. Right now I have a lot on my mind a lot of mixed emotions. There stirring in my brain unfocused and scattered. I paused briefly and looked at the ceiling to see if I could gain a little focus, it didn’t work.

Which direction should I take this post, I don’t know. Maybe I should explain how I am feeling. 

I feel lost…clouded…looking for something maybe I should write a poem. I have been working on posts but I have not gotten the nerve to post them, I don’t feel motivated. Im just tired.

Days like these you just want to give up, give in and surrender. But its days like this, you have to hold on to whets important to you, lock it in your brain and push forward.  In life you have good days and bad days, even plants need rain in order grow, as in life - those bad days can leave you a little wiser and more mature than in the past. Maybe tomorrow, I can tell god that Ive grown a little bit.

Children Will Surprise you,

This past weekend my cousin came up to spend the night with her three children. The oldest boy Jaylin is the ringleader of the tribe, Second in command is Cammy, the little lady; I never really seen a frown on her face and she it truly the happiest child out of the bunch. Last but not least Nicolas he’s the youngest only three, very well spoken for his age, probably because if his constant interactions with this brother and sister. Well the make a long story short, those three together can be a terror. They write on walls, run around kicking and screaming, playing, fighting, singing, dancing, just being kids; BAD ASS KIDS!!! The thing with children is that they have a lot of energy. You can help them focus their energy or you can let them run a muck thus leaving them with no focus or structure at all. Those three surprised me greatly this week, they helped me cook, wash dishes even with the dusting. Overall, there is one incident that will remain in my mind, the oldest one Jaylin, was playing my WII swinging wildly at the game. One time he swung so hard he hit his little sister in the mouth and didn’t even notice it. When he saw his sister on the floor crying, he thought I was going to spank him, He has this shocked look on his face like he was about to die. I looked at him and said “You are the oldest! It’s your responsibility to take care of your brothers and sisters; you have to protect them until they are old enough to protect themselves. Look at her! I don’t want you to forget about what happens when do stupid things. You are the man of the house now, and you have to act like one.” I looked into his eyes and I swear if I could look into his brain there would be a light bulb as big as the sun inside. It’s strange and yet humbling to see a child grow up right in front of you, I only told him what my mom told me growing up and to this day I remember it. Part of the reason why I work so hard is because I want to set a good example for him. I saw in Jaylin and it made me proud to see that look in his eyes, maturity. After my little speech on his own he took the lead. Jaylin made sure the children were okay and at a safe distance and then he washed the dishes after they ate pizza, I didn’t even have to look over his shoulder. From that moment, I knew I never really had to in that way again. “Keep Company with Those Who Make You Better” ~english saying~

I am?

Who am I?

Who are you?

Well…..