During my time in the military I came across this gentleman named Zack. Zack was a short dude, white, light brown hair - had a hell of a temper and a outlandish storyteller. Zack would often tell me and other soldiers how he was an Olympic swimmer. We all felt he was lying, but we enjoyed his stories…come to think about it… He never had a chance to prove it.

 Well moving on.. let me tell you about his personality. He was a bull-headed young man, confident. If he believed the sky was green, dammit! There was no way of changing his mind, the sky is green. Sometimes, that bullhead of his would get him in trouble on the flight line because he would make decisions without properly researching his data, often making simple mistakes.

(job requirement - long story - wont bore you with the details)

Sad to say, in our squad, if you did not mingle in the right circles, your simple mistakes would seem like political time bombs waiting to explode in your face. As for Zack, he was way from the in crowd of gossiping, chain smoking, back stabbing, status-whores we called co-workers. As a result, he was cast away to the political dessert of nothing-ness and was treated like he as a leper, I really felt for him.

When I first started working his shift, I didn’t really know Zack that well, just small talk here and there, but lord knows I’ve heard about him, EVERYBODY HAS! I would get most of my information listening to the day-shift gossip whores and political pimps talking as they chain-smoked by the hanger. 

I worked with Zack during the conflict in Kosovo and I slowly got to know him, and little by little I learned that he was more than a little hard-head loud mouth crew-chief. He was a hard worker, he was determined and even when people pushed him down, he would dust himself off and keep on working. He didn’t quit - he didn’t back down, and even though I know he was told some hurtful things, he never let it get the best of him.

I would often see Zack running around with toolboxes and parts, catching planes, and working on critical missions. His co-workers would sit on the bench, smoke and talk about how lazy he was even when he was doing all of the work! They would be amazed when supervisor and I would buy Zack lunch  and tell command how much of a good job he was doing. I remember on day they pulled a prank on Zack, even though I saw tears in his eyes, he still stood tall like an oak, That little dude had character, and more heart than most people ever knew.

 When we returned to the states Zack discovered that he had cancer. About a year later he passed. I’m sad to see that Zack was not able to live a full, fruitful life. I am happy to see him live long enough to return home to his family on his last days.

The more I think about Zack, the more I know it was an honor to have known him. If he would have lived, he would have become a fine soldier and man.

"I will not stand behind a man who thinks he knows everything, I will stand behind a man who is willing to learn from everything."

~This is the first post ive never had the nerve to put up~ 

"A good day aint got no end, A bad day is when I lay in bed and think about what might have been."

Right now its 7am and I have not gotten any sleep. My body is weak, my eyes are burning and my chest feels like its about to implode. Im sitting in the main lobby of Dekalb Memorial Hospital trying my best to keep my eyes focused until I finish this post. This is my first real post so I don’t want to screw it up (much).  Enough of the jabber. Right now I have a lot on my mind a lot of mixed emotions. There stirring in my brain unfocused and scattered. I paused briefly and looked at the ceiling to see if I could gain a little focus, it didn’t work.

Which direction should I take this post, I don’t know. Maybe I should explain how I am feeling. 

I feel lost…clouded…looking for something maybe I should write a poem. I have been working on posts but I have not gotten the nerve to post them, I don’t feel motivated. Im just tired.

Days like these you just want to give up, give in and surrender. But its days like this, you have to hold on to whets important to you, lock it in your brain and push forward.  In life you have good days and bad days, even plants need rain in order grow, as in life - those bad days can leave you a little wiser and more mature than in the past. Maybe tomorrow, I can tell god that Ive grown a little bit.